i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
