The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
