My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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