next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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