wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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