One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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