i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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