and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
