She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
