I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
