kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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