New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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