I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
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Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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