I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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