So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
