Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
