I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
