I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
