My friends, they love my intelligence
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
