Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
