Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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