Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
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Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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