At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
