My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize