haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
