I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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