ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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