my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize