We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
