hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
