Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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