If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
