Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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