Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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