at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
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What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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