Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
