I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
