I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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