2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
