Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
