haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The uberlube is also flammable
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
