I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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