I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
