some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
