What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
