As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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