You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
