a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
