yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
