i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize