Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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