you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
