Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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