im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
