theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
