Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
