Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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