i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
