dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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