your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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