dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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