can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
