Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
