it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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