I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
