There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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