So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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