i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
