I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
