I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you win again, gameday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
