Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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