I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
