I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
