Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
