We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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