just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
