Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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