A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
