I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
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my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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