And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
