there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
