How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All the doctor said was why
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
