Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
