it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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